By Icnived
Round the corners edge
Down the charted ledge
Through the withered wedge
Past the hidden hedge
Past the forest tree
Through the mazes three
Down the mounts decree
Round the rivers free
Round and round we go
Down in hope we show
Through the world we flow
Past sanity for all we know
We are the life to life
Water rain, this is our strife
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2 comments:
I can't find any flaw in this whatsoever. I absolutely love all of it. I don't understand everything, so I'll have to come back to it with a dictionary, but that's because English is only my second language...
The rhythm of it is curious, in that it makes me somehow feel as if I'm spinning around... Like I can spin one full circle by the time it takes to say one line, and then it slows down at the end, so it doesn't make me feel dizzy. I like that!
(Don't worry, it makes perfect sense in my head...)
I certainly have to agree with Ada, in the fact that it does feel rather dizzy--which is so interesting, because I've never gotten that feeling from a poem before. Very neat--the only thing that sort of made me 'trip', so to speak, were the three extra syllables in the last line of the third section. The line certainly works with the rest of the poem, giving it a 'down the rabbit hole' feeling, but perhaps there is a five syllable way of writing it? It could also be, though, like when you hit the floor after spinning around for a while. So that's a cool possibility as well.
Anyways, I really like the feeling this has. It certainly cheered me up.
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