By Icnived
My minds’ in here, right this very here
Stretch the east toward west and steady steer
A Narrow path but it’s wide to roam
Prompt placid pandemonium shown
A lack of marbles, noodles, or nuts
There’s just no substance left to share the cuts
Has the fog become crystal clear yet
Lost in this fun home of mine I bet
I’ll lead the way, now where’s that (trap) door
Left tile from the right of the carpet floor
Do not fear, there’s no want to worry
As you steer the end is near, better hurry
We close ourselves at half past sane
It’s then the madness falls like rain
Now sail, no glide, no time is left to hide
But before you go, in you I must confide
I’m not all here, I’m not all there
In fact I’m not all anywhere
I told you of my substance lack
And my ounce of sanity wants it back
So before you go, within this threshold of sanity
I leave and engrave in you this desperate plea
Adopt this only wish of mine
And search for the marbles of my mind
I do not wish to escape, only to have some control
But look the time is up your stuck, it’s ‘your’ sanity that I stole
Stretch the east toward west and steady steer
A Narrow path but it’s wide to roam
Prompt placid pandemonium shown
A lack of marbles, noodles, or nuts
There’s just no substance left to share the cuts
Has the fog become crystal clear yet
Lost in this fun home of mine I bet
I’ll lead the way, now where’s that (trap) door
Left tile from the right of the carpet floor
Do not fear, there’s no want to worry
As you steer the end is near, better hurry
We close ourselves at half past sane
It’s then the madness falls like rain
Now sail, no glide, no time is left to hide
But before you go, in you I must confide
I’m not all here, I’m not all there
In fact I’m not all anywhere
I told you of my substance lack
And my ounce of sanity wants it back
So before you go, within this threshold of sanity
I leave and engrave in you this desperate plea
Adopt this only wish of mine
And search for the marbles of my mind
I do not wish to escape, only to have some control
But look the time is up your stuck, it’s ‘your’ sanity that I stole
2 comments:
This reminds me quite a bit of Dr. Suess, though with much darker undertones. This also gives me the feeling of pacing--like someone is muttering this as they stroll back and forth in their room, trying to remember something, almost. It holds a very nice feeling, and I like how it seems to keep refering back to the thought of being 'whole' or not. Also, the second Couplet is my favorite, as well as the conclusive one.
Altoghether, great flow, though some of the lines I stumbled on because they would rhyme with themselves in the middle, and how that was inconsistent, but it sort of matched the overall flavor anyway.
I love the flow in this, and I really have a thing for poetry where words rhyme with words in the same line, even though it's not consistant. The only thing that made me stumble a bit was the line beginning with "So before you go", because I was too into a rhythm with fewer syllables when I reached it.
I like the darkness in it, and the way it gives a sort of feeling of trickery in the end: "It's 'your' sanity..." I might be reading it wrong, but I like it anyway!
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